1.求一篇英语的演讲稿加ppt 内容不限,题目有趣就好,大约6到7分钟,幽默演讲——调侃自己（中英对照） 演讲者如何调侃自己 作为一个演讲者，我从观众那只得到过两种抱怨：一种是我讲话声音太大了，他们无法入睡；第二种是我讲得时间太长了，他们无法一直清醒 。
As a speaker, I've only had two complaints from audiences. One, that I talk so loud they can't fall asleep. And two, that I talk so long they can't stay awake.创新句子：你们或者睡觉，或者不睡，只要不打呼噜，我就接着讲 。作为一个讲演者，他的演讲总拿来和林肯的哥得堡演讲[一个著名的演讲]相比较 。
当他演讲结束时，也有悲伤、眼泪和悲痛——特别是计划委员会 。As a speaker, he has often been compared to Abraham Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address. When he finishes his speech, there is also sorrow, tears and mourning ---- especially by the program committee.幽默注释：演讲者讲得太糟糕了，组织者哭得很伤心 。
演讲结束时，宴会主人感谢你从繁忙的日程中抽出时间来——你泰然自若，优雅地点头微笑着，心里非常清楚你日历上唯一的事情就是就早餐后喝点咖啡 。Poise is when you finish your speech and the toastmaster thanks you for taking time out of your busy schedule to be a part of their program --- and you nod and smile graciously knowing full well that the only thing on your calendar is a little coffee from breakfast.幽默注释：一些老干部退休后没什么事干，有人请他参加一些活动，他还假装很忙，好象推开了很多事才赶去似的 。
过去我演讲时常常会比较紧张，但那时我看到一条信息说如果你想象所有的观众都是裸体会有所帮助 。此时此刻，我站在这里想象着观众都是裸体，真的起作用，我不再紧张了，但眼睛有些疲劳 。
I used to get nervous when giving a speech but then I read that it helps to think of the entire audience as being naked. And so, at this very moment, I'm standing up here imagining every one in this audience as being naked. And it really works. I no suffer from nervousness. Eyestrain. Yes.幽默注释：把观众想象成裸体，意思是我不怕你们，就不紧张了 。创新句子：大部分人站在讲台上都会有点儿紧张，我属于少部分人，我非常紧张 。
我本人不自负——我简直不能告诉你们我是多么钦佩我这一点 。Personally, I have never been conceited --- and I can't tell you how much I admire myself for that.幽默句子：他因为自己不自负，所以变得非常骄傲 。
创新句子：我一点儿都不自负，我希望别人也这么看我 。我先用简单明了的英语演讲，以后我再翻译给律师听 。
Let me put this into plain English. I'll translate it for the lawyers later.幽默注释：律师总喜欢用复杂的语言，简单的话都听不懂了 。创新句子：我的讲话有三个版本，小学生版本，中学生版本，大学生版本，你是听小学一年纪版的，还是小学二年纪版的？如果你听过这个故事，请不要打断我，我就知道这一个故事 。
If you've already heard this story, please don't stop me because it's the only one I know.幽默注释：就是你知道两个故事，讲故事前也可以这么说 。创新句子：我讲个笑话，如果你们听过，也希望装做没听过，我也这样照顾你们 。
演讲就象给草坪浇水，如果有四分之一的水渗下去你就满意了 。Making a speech is like watering a lawn. You're satisfied if just a quarter of it sinks in.幽默注释：有人打呼噜，有人说话，都是正常的，有四分之一观众听就不错了 。
演讲开始时我们有一些共同点，你们不知道我要讲什么——我也不知道 。At the very start, let me just say that we both have something in common. You don't know what I'm going to say --- and neither do I.幽默句子：即兴演讲的开场白 。